I enjoyed the 1982 Conan the Barbarian, and went into this movie not expecting a film as good but one to be entertaining. Alas, this Conan the Barbarian only has the costume and set design going for it. Everything else is pretty much a disaster. The music score is not as memorable, or as epic or as haunting. The direction has inconsistencies with the tone especially all over the map. The dialogue is cliché-ridden and as much as I am starting to dislike using the term anachronistic the term applies to me here, the story is dull and sluggish and the characterisations feel little more than stock stereotypes. The acting doesn't help, Stephen Lang has good presence but has nothing to work with. The lead on the other hand has no charisma whatsoever. Overall, disappointing and weak. 2/10 Bethany Cox
Conan the Barbarian
2011
Action / Adventure / Fantasy
Plot summary
Many years ago, sorcerers crafted the Mask of Acheron and dark forces of Acheron conquered the world. However, the barbarians vanquished Acheron warriors and broke the Mask into pieces and divided among the tribes. The barbarian Cimmerian village of chief Corin is attacked by the evil warlord Khalar Zym that wants the last piece of bone of the Mask of Acheron to resurrect his wife. When his witch daughter Marique finds the hidden piece, he slaughters the villagers and the Corin's son Conan is the only survivor. Conan swears revenge against Khalar Zym. Years later, the warrior Conan is a pirate and he decides to release slaves from a field. When he is celebrating in a tavern with his friends, he sees a thief being chased by a guard and Conan recognizes him as Lucius, the Khalar Zym's soldier that he cut the nose out. Conan let the guards capture him and once in the prison, he forces Lucius to tell him where Khalar Zym is. Meanwhile Khalar Zym attacks a monastery where Marique believes that a pure-blood descent of Acheron lives. But the monk sent the descent Tamara back to her homeland. She is chased by Khalar Zym's soldiers, but Conan saves her. Now Conan intends to use Tamara to reach the evil Khalar Zym. Will he succeed in his intent?
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One of the weakest movies of the year thus far
Derivative, mildly entertaining fantasy flick
As a massive Robert E. Howard fan who's read most of the original Conan stories and who loves the Schwarzenegger film version, I was eager to watch this new adaptation of the famous hero. Having just done so, I feel only one thing: disappointment. Disappointment that the film was handed over to the control of director Marcus Nispel, a man who has made only a few films (THE Texas CHAINSAW MASSACRE remake and the Friday THE 13TH remake are two of them) but whose trademark is already his inability to connect with his characters. A good director will bring the performers to life, allowing them to live and breathe within a film, but in a Nispel movie they're never more than actors acting on the screen. CONAN, unfortunately, follows this trend.
Nispel isn't the only problem with this movie: the screenplay is also disappointing (the presence of three separate writers is a giveaway),a vapid exercise in cliché and formula. The producers had every option of developing one of Howard's brilliant short stories for the screen but instead come up with another bland origin story, the type of which was done better in the Schwarzenegger film anyway. To be fair, the first half isn't so bad, getting by on sheer spectacle and presence alone, but as the story progresses it begins to feel more and more artificial leading up to an anti-climatic and utterly lacklustre climax.
As Conan, Jason Momoa certainly looks the part and delivers in the action stakes, which is all that's required of him. However, some acting from the supporting cast feels forced and mannered. Rachel Nichols is shortchanged indeed: she begins as a feisty, kick-ass heroine but ends up as the requisite shrieking damsel-in-distress by the finish. Stephen Lang, enjoying a career resurgence after AVATAR (I personally remember him as a bad guy in Seagal's FIRE DOWN BELW) is pretty good as the villain, although his role is underwritten (and the whole 'magic helmet' thing turns out to be a total joke). Rose McGowan is fairly embarrassing, Ron Perlman barely seen and other favourites (like hulking wrestler Nathan Jones) hidden beneath prosthetics.
Still, it's not all bad, and often I found it mildly enjoyable, even if it was a far cry from what I'd initially hoped. The action scenes are well mounted and fluidly shot, although Conan only gets to face one slightly effective foe (the sand demons). The visuals are wonderful and the special effects for the most part grand, so at least it's a film that looks good. It's not a patch on Arnie's CONAN, though.
Blood splattering brutality lost in a long meandering story
Conan (Jason Momoa) seeks revenge on the cruel warlord who destroyed his village and killed his father.
I like the brutality and the blood splattering violence. But this suffers two major problems. The first is the length of this movie. At almost 2 hours, it is way too long. There is no reason for a 2 hour Conan movie. It feels stretched out, and too slow in many parts of the movie. Too much of the story is a meandering mess.
The second is the comparison between Jason Mamoa and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Jason is no Schwarzenegger. He has half the charm and half the presence. I still like Jason Mamoa, but he's no Arnold.
I do appreciate the attempt. They try their best with a big scale production. The stunts are good. The battles gets pretty big. Stephen Lang is a good bad guy. And Rose McGowan is great as the creepy weird Marique. If only they scale back the running time to a more manageable length. This could have been just good enough to recommend.