Every boy's wet dream… well that's how the early 80's sex teen comedy "Private Lessons" plays out… and maybe more audacious than most with its precariously lurid context. While I wouldn't call it one of the best of its sub-genre, it still was rather a popular and influential outing that would spawn knockoffs like "Homework", "My Tutor" and to some extent "Class". This is one of those films that its best to just go along with its low-brow attitude, as its quite asinine (especially the plot progression)cringe-like (with the circumstances characters find themselves in) and smutty. But then again the hormones run wild. Older lady… young boy. What fantasy can you think up?

15 year old Philly Fillmore's father has gone away on business, where he's left home alone with Nicole the new French housemaid. Soon Philly becomes infatuated in her, but her open advancements towards him come at a surprise. While shy at first, she slowly starts gaining his affection. But unknowingly to him, his crooked chauffeur Lester has blackmailed Nicole to seduce Philly in the scheme of getting money out of him.

What the film has going for it is the iconic soundtrack of buoyant tunes from the likes of Rod Stewart, Eric Clapton, Crazy Horse, Air Supply and Earth, Wind & Fire. It was like a jukebox at times with some oddly placed tunes. The other distracting element (other than spending a lot time leering of its attractive female cast and extras) was that of European goddess, Emmanuelle's Sylvia Kristal as teasingly upfront foreign housemaid. She looks beautiful; the best moment arises when she seductively strips in front of a gobs-smacked Eric Brown. Although another body double was used for Kristal's nude scenes. Eric Brown plays the gawky naïve young lad Philly whose curiosity turns to obsession --- in what he believes is love for the housemaid. Howard Hesseman is good as the deviously slim bag chauffeur Lester and Ed Begley Jr. has fun with his little support role. In one humorous sequence he does his best "Dirty Harry" persona with Hesseman at the end of it. Patrick Piccininni plays Philly's obnoxious pal Sherman and Pamela Jean Bryant is Sherman's stuck-up older sister that Philly kind of fancies. Or better put likes to see naked. Ron Foster turns up as Philly's father and Dan Barrows amusingly chips in as the gardener. Also showing up in minor, but enjoyable parts are Peter Elbling, Dan Greenberg (the writer) and a delightfully titillating Meridith Baer as an uptight school teacher. It's technically well-made by director Alan Myerson and breezily paced with Greenberg's simple material.

Silly, sleazy nonsense about foreigner Sylvia Kristel blackmailed into seducing a teenage Eric Brown by scumbag chauffeur Howard Hesseman. She will lead the horse to water, despite his ridiculous resistance at first, and then fake her own death with Hesseman tricking Brown into paying him off for disposing the body. But, Kristel falls in love with the gullible kid and decides to hatch a plot to turn the tables on the despicable chauffeur. Brown's father is away on "business".

Taboo-shattering, icky, squirm-inducing wet-dream fantasy might be more believable today as women(..and men)seem to stay on the headlines for sleeping with underage teens. I watched a specific R-rated version which does show plenty of Kristel..enough to make your mouth water anyway. She's quite sexy, but the whole plot with her falling for nerdy Brown is just too hard to swallow.

Watching Private Lessons made me feel most sorry for young Patrick Piccininni who is the best friend of Eric Brown. While he gets all that experience and adventure with Sylvia Kristel as the new French housekeeper, his friend has this little old lady as his housekeeper.

Both these kids have all the graces of the more sophisticated kids from Porky's. When we meet them they are ogling the slightly older girls at a neighboring pool party. Later Brown gets to spend a few weeks alone while dad played by Ron Foster gets in a little business with pleasure. Hard to believe that even with the idle rich a kid would be essentially unsupervised over a summer. Not like Foster couldn't afford anything. Not even a relative of some kind.

So Brown is left alone with Sylvia Kristel and she seduces him. But it's all part of a plot to part him from a lot of his trust fund money. Guiding the plot is family chauffeur Howard Hesseman who does have a few good lines and some great facial expressions.

All in all the whole thing is rather puerile and stupid. A rich kid's Porky's.