... and not just because my copy looked like someone held their cell phone camera up to a 16mm projector.

A young, spry (all of 55 years old!) Leslie Nielsen stars opposite Gary Lockwood with a vintage Pete Rose haircut in this attempt at a psychological thriller that, frankly, left me more confused than anything else. I'm amazed to learn that this film even saw a theatrical release.

"Project: Kill" borrows a theme successfully used in other films (like "The Manchurian Candidate"): government-bred, mind-controlled assassins. Nielsen's John Trevor, longing for the peaceful life he gave up the chance for long ago, decides he's had enough- he wants out, and escapes to Manila suffering withdrawal from The Program's brain-altering chemicals all the while. Lockwood's Frank Lassiter is charged with retrieving Trevor, as drugged-out brainwashed assassins aren't allowed to up and retire to Boca Raton. The two characters are apparently friends with a history together- which would indeed add an interesting dimension to the story- but their relationship is never really elaborated upon. As Lassiter tracks Trevor around the Phillipines, they each find themselves a romantic interest, some allies... some random gangsters get involved for some reason... and the movie climaxes with a fight at the always exciting location of "the docks."

Now, the climax is what convinced me to spend the $1 on this DVD. The synopsis on the package boasts that "Neilson (yes, it's misspelled) and Lockwood collide in an epic climax filled with exciting martial arts sequences." I know what you're thinking: battle of the Franks! Drebin vs. Poole! This is going to be amazing! Alas, no. Lockwood beating up William Shatner with his mind in the second pilot of Star Trek is more convincing. Nielsen's fight with the world's terrorists at the beginning of The Naked Gun was choreographed with more effort. The one redeeming feature of Project: Kill's climax was the "kill shot" Lockwood executes on Nielsen, in wondrous slow-motion against a setting sun- pretty darn funny. Unfortunately, the movie dribbles on for a few more unnecessary minutes after that.

So was it worth watching? Probably not the whole thing. Fast-forward to the "martial arts" scenes for a few chuckles. Leslie Nielsen and Gary Lockwood are both good actors, with 11 decades of film and television work between them. But this barely qualifies as film.

These poorly done films from the Seventies always bum me out, often not because of the stories, but because they remind me once again of the seriously hideous fashion sense and hair styles the era produced. Which is to say that I was part of that decade and probably looked just as goofy as the characters depicted here, allowing myself some measure of relief for having grown out of it.

This flick however combined the fashion faux-pas with lame execution and the result was a tortuous hour and a half to make it to the end of the picture. I was surprised to see how old Leslie Nielsen looked in a film from just over thirty years ago, and got the shock of the day to find out he's a couple weeks shy of eighty four as I write this. Glad to see he's still working after turning out a clunker like this.

But it wasn't all his fault. Though the film attempts to be an action adventure, it finds itself misfiring on any number of fronts. The martial arts scenes are agonizingly orchestrated, note I didn't use the word choreographed. Most of what occurs on screen is unintentionally funny; as an example, check out how Gary Lockwood throws his hair back after any scene in which it might have gotten mussed up a bit. Other reviewers have commented on Nancy Kwan's dubious need to be in the picture, but if that's the case, it goes double for Pamela Parsons as the intrepid Lynn Walker. Why was she here? She stands around watching the other players in most scenes she's in, and once was even asked by Lockwood's character to go watch the fish in the aquarium while he hooked up with the Filipinos. Very strange.

Listen, don't get hoodwinked by the video jacket proclaiming exciting martial arts displays or an adventure of pressure cooker intensity. If there's a Priority One for this film, it's to be warned in advance of what you're getting yourself into.

Formed as a counter-assassination unit, "Project-Kill" has evolved from protecting persons of influence to one of covert assassination. Having risen up through the ranks "John Trevor" (Leslie Nielsen) has seen this change and he doesn't approve of it. As a result, even though he is in charge of training he announces his decision to leave the organization to his subordinate, "Frank Lassiter" (Gary Lockwood). This decision stuns Gary who reminds him that this type of action requires a lengthy debrief due to the top-secret information he possesses which other countries would love to have. Along with that his departure would also require a gradual withdrawal process because of the drugs all the agents take to bolster their effectiveness. But John remains firm and decides to leave immediately. When Frank attempts to stop him he is knocked unconscious. We then discover that John has fled to the Philippines with both Frank and other foreign governments in hot pursuit of him. Now, as far as this film is concerned, although the overall plot was certainly good, it lacked several key elements which could have immensely benefited this movie. For starters, other than Leslie Nielsen and Nancy Kwan (as "Lee Su") the acting was pretty bad. In particular, the performance of Pamela Parsons (as "Lynn Walker") was especially wooden. Likewise, both the script and the fight sequences needed improvement as well. In short, although this movie isn't extremely bad, it isn't necessarily that good either. I rate the movie as slightly below average.