Seriously - think of $100m worth of vaccines or just food or aid distributed to the poor and needy. Instead someone thought this load of crap was more worth it. Let's give Clooney $100m - what could go wrong? And boy did he deliver. A turd in a league of its own.

Ok - here's the gist. In the near future, a possibly habitable moon of Jupiter is discovered. A crew is dispatched to investigate. While they're gone, for some reason they're completely incommunicado, and back on Earth, climate change suddenly ravages and blows up the Earth. The planet is evacuated, and everyone is put on helicopters to go somewhere, curl up and die. No Bill Pullman here inspiring humanity to do an end-run around destiny, to fight on. Nope. Just give up. The movie does not relish in details like where exactly they go, how, or what they'll do to survive, or for how long. Nor how so many helicopters could be built, even in the future, or whether they are spacecraft or whatever vehicles are required to completely empty the earth. In two years. It does not get into whether Eric Trump is President and whether climate denialism is still a thing and why half the people are not protesting the other half no matter what, as is wont in a post-truth society. All we know is something really bad happens to the air and the Earth somehow is totally evacuated in two years.

Clooney is cast as a terminally ill astronomer (again, why? What is the relevance? Everyone is doomed as it is) who discovers the said habitable planet, but inexplicably stays behind to man an arctic observatory. No explanation offered, none required. Somehow this one aging, sick man can run an entire site in the middle of the Arctic, singlehanded. I guess now we know why there is so much unemployment. Robots - first they dance, then they take our jobs. Anyways, upon the ship's return, the exploratory mission cannot find anyone to answer their phone calls. In an act of desperation, they even attempt to contact India and Australia. I guess that is when you know it is an emergency when the India call center won't take your calls. BTW Calling India - this is a decision reached with no small amount of deliberation by the crew, mind you. Why? Who knows.

Clooney, by the way, is bored stiff and while playing gin rummy wiling away the final hours, by accident suddenly realizes this ship is due back. Typical oh crap! Moment. And tries to raise the crew. Guess everyone forgot about the first manned mission to Jupiter? Clooney however finds out his high-tech setup isn't high tech enough to even send a text message to the intrepid explorers as they hurtle back from the unknown. Never mind that we have been communicating with remote spaceships like Voyager since the 70s, with much less powerful equipment.

Anyway, Clooney discovers he is not alone in his Arctic refuge. A lost child lurks within the site. And has been sleeping in some shelves somewhere, but apparently is not any worse for wear as she somehow also has found plenty of food, despite not knowing where the kitchen is. Again, let's not get into the plot-holes.

Clooney locates ANOTHER billion-dollar mega-tech site, a short hop away by snowmobile. Why you would put two large expensive antenna sites side-by-side, in the Arctic, who knows. But, with aid of this child, or despite her, he climbs aboard a snowmobile to trek to this other high tech station to have a chat with the returning ship to let them know to not come back because of how royally we screwed things up in the two years they were gone (yes folks, climate change only takes that long to wreak havoc).

Along the way, he faces some inexplicable but ridiculous adventures, nearly drowns, shoots someone, and is stalked by wolves. The point? Probably some symbolism and metaphors missed by simpletons like this reviewer. Finally, after reaching the station, he can talk to the ship. At first, they are in disbelief. But really guys? Two years? And there has been no communication? Were they on the Santa Maria? And it couldn't have been that much of a surprise - hell, scientists are hoarse from bleating these warnings.. today!

Anyway, to the movie. Being stoic professionals, they thoughtfully analyze the situation, given the heavy implications of any action and the fact that the future of humanity is hanging in the balance. As expected, logic is promptly chucked out the nearest space hatch and sentimentality wins out. Despite the certain death that awaits them, two of the crew summon their samurai courage and choose to return to Earth anyway to face the music, and thus provide a more intimate setting for the remaining male captain and female subordinate (dim the lights & cue Marvin Gaye - "Let's get it on").

These last two plan to return to the Jovian moon from whence they came, to populate it in their new roles as Adam and Eve to restart humanity. Interestingly, the woman subordinate is ALREADY pregnant - workplace harassment? It's also interesting that it is acceptable for future professional astronauts to get pregnant on missions... on a ship designed for scientific discovery...in outer space ...is a gynecologist on board? A pediatrician? Surgeon? Not sure if the ship has a maternity ward or facilities for daycare or childbirth (actually we are - nope!) ... what if mommy and daddy want to go on parental leave after they are done dodging asteroids for the week? Let's leave all those questions floating in space, please. I guess abstinence, birth control, professional mission discipline doesn't exist in the future, at least one envisioned by Clooney, who also directs what passes for a film.

And that is pretty much it. Two survivors of humanity. With limited provisions. Going back to an alien moon to, presumably, screw away until the end of days, content they are doing it for the greater good. Not a bad way to go if you ask me. No thought though to the size of the gene pool? How are two people by themselves supposed to restart the human race? Heavy use of CRISPR? The departing suicidal crew members do not even have the courtesy to leave behind their reproductive DNA (at least not on camera). What about Earth's accumulated knowledge base: technological know-how, the arts, the humanities & other ark-like collectibles that may be required to start a colony that is man's last gasp for survival. You know, if you're back near Earth, you might wanna pick some of these things up? Even electronically? Before the planet disappears for good? Not even some Viagra guys? How about milk and groceries? Maybe even some livestock? Not even medicines?

There are more plot holes in this movie than craters on the moon. The biggest one: why this movie was ever greenlit. But in the end, the movie is not meant to be a disaster epic. It just exists to guilt you into realizing we're really messing up the planet. You are left to connect the dots from there to the burning of the Amazon (the forest, not the company). I'm guessing a run on Fox was never planned.

Probably the best thing about this movie was the cute kid, probably because she says and does nothing. Because she turns out to be a hallucination (a Sixth Sense style ghost?),a reminder that Clooney was a really bad father but one who created an awesome daughter who now pilots the aforementioned spaceship, which he had forgot about but serendipitously remembered in the knick of time to redeem himself, thanks to a game of solitaire. A hallucination she is, just like we end up hoping the movie turns out to be, because it is impossible to fathom how such a god-awful movie could be real.

With the high-profile releases of Tenet and now this abomination, maybe it is about time we recognize the editors, producers, writers & directors who take advantage of us forcibly transmogrified into couch potatoes during the Covid crisis, who think we will gullibly swallow anything their not so creative minds can barf up. They feel we shall simply marvel at how clever, witty & deep the plot & acting are, simply because they are incomprehensible & utterly impenetrable, & how thought-provoking their ideas & themes relating to humanity are dealt with through metaphors that in actuality are just pot-inspired time-fillers.

In short, they have gift wrapped their ill-thought-out and foul-smelling turds with fancy bows, made a fuss of the presentation & placed them under our plastic Christmas trees. Perhaps realizing that in the present zeitgeist, people can't even agree on basic tenets of reality (pun intended),they figured why then should we bother with critiquing mediocre fiction? It certainly seems to be a plausible thought process behind Midnight Sky and Tenet (to which Sky plays the dumber, poorer brother) - but both are equally absurd and nonsensical in their own right, yet filled to the brim with melancholic, illogical, non-sensical self-importance.

But to the Hollywood elites who want to foist their garbage onto us, the hoi polloi, let me say, dammit, some of us do give a damn! Really, we do! We will not settle for turds disguised in Rolex boxes, no matter how pretty, or how expensive they look. We will not give in. We will put up a fight. We will not go gently into the night! We will not let utter trash assail our senses and sight! We demand movies with some substance. We demand quality. We demand a plot for chrissakes! A new Zen-processor or cutting edge Nvidia graphics at the editors' desk does NOT mean you can leave the story completely by the wayside.

Net of it is that Midnight Sky is nothing but a Clooney sized dump... not the soft plop plop of gently laid turds followed by a long flush... this is instead the full-on firehose fury of an exceptionally muscular rectum pressurized by prescription-strength laxative suppositories, unleashed in an unholy mess. Goes to show that no amount of special effects or star-power can save an epically bad story.

Dr. Augustine Lofthouse (George Clooney) has a terminal illness and needs transfusions. He is spending his last days at the Barbeau Observatory on the Arctic Circle. In 2049 the Earth is dying and people are going home to be with their families to all die together. The spaceship Aether is coming back from K-23, a Goldilocks planet orbiting Jupiter. He is attempting to reach them to let them know not to bother coming back. Meanwhile a mute little girl was left behind and he finds himself caring for her.

The film plays heavily on being with you family when you die. I am not sure if this is COVID influenced, but it made for a bittersweet story. Felicity Jones is actually pregnant in the film.

Guide: No swearing, sex, or nudity.

It's 2049 in the Arctic Circle. A science station is being evacuated as an apocalyptic event spreads throughout the world. Augustine Lofthouse (George Clooney) is the only one staying behind since he has a terminal illness anyways. He is shocked to find a little girl left behind. Meanwhile, there is a spacecraft returning to Earth from an Earth-like moon orbiting Jupiter. The crew members are Sully (Felicity Jones),Adewole (David Oyelowo),Mitchell (Kyle Chandler),Sanchez (Demián Bichir),and Maya (Tiffany Boone). They are confused with their inability to contact Earth.

This looks physically good but ultimately lifeless. In general, there are three stories being told. The flashback to young Lofthouse is rather unnecessary. It adds very little to his story. I assumed that Clooney may be trying to connect it with the little girl but that doesn't happen. The girl and Clooney hold the best part of the movie. The general premise doesn't make sense but if one ignores that, it actually works as a small adventure. There is no way that everybody would evacuate the base for certain doom. I just watched Greenland where people are killing each other for any small chance of a fractionally longer life. Having said that, one can ignore the flawed premise for the sake of the movie. That finally gets to the spacecraft section. It is the least compelling group. Clooney is doing a mix between Gravity and Steven Soderbergh's Solaris. He has great actors and wastes them with paper thin characters. It's a thriller trying to be thrilling and failing. It doesn't help that the ending is a story fading out to whatever. Only Clooney and the little girl serve as good movie material. Even there, the premise screws up the narrative.